Birthdays Galore!

April and May are pretty intense for birthdays around here.  The four girls in our home all have their birthdays within three weeks of each other!  Lots of pink and cake for days on end!  Lots of excitement, squealing and giggling, as girls are so much more emotional than boys about things, you know.

The first girl to start the birthday parade was Elizabeth.  She turned 15 years old this year.  Her whole miracle life has been amazing to me.  She has been one of the hardest children I have ever had in our home.  Raising her has been a challenge at every turn, almost daily.  Over the last few years, she has slowly been improving.  Giving me hope that she will be able to live on her own one day, have a normal life with normal relationships.  I must say, that over the last six weeks, she has made a very positive and amazing transformation.  The biggest change I have seen in her yet.  We have been talking together, about her adult future and goals.  I shared with her what I was doing at her age and where she is and why there is such a huge difference.  We have talked about, that no one can totally change without God helping them daily.  She is really trying.  She is really putting forth effort now.  All of these years, she has been set on rebellion at all things placed before her, just to defy.  Just to prove that no one can make her do anything in life...from schooling to chores.  She would behave to get what she wanted or to get to go somewhere and then act up as soon as she got what she wanted.  Raw... I know..but the honest truth.  I am amazed at her new found restraint in her temper.  No tantrums in weeks.  Very little slamming things and throwing things...a reminder or talk can defuse things.  Wow...  She is praying and listening to our devotions much more intently and participating in asking questions and taking in the answers.  She is working hard at her schoolwork with out being monitored or asked.  Sometimes six days a week.  She is being much more respectful not just to authority but to her siblings.

Holding her very sick sister at the doctors office.

I am beyond grateful that God is touching her heart.   I am grateful for this season in parenting her.  For this very normal and calm place she is at.  I pray she stays here.  I pray we never look back.   I am so please with her progress and commitment these last many weeks.  I am amazed.  I have always loved her fiercely (as I do all our children)  or would have given up many years ago.  It is worth it to hang in there and wait on God and the miracles he brings about.  Not just in those we are praying for but what it teaches us!  I have learned so much about God and parenting, in having Elizabeth be our daughter.  I would have it no other way!  She is a blessing to me and our home and God has great plans for her life!

Elizabeth and Carolyn used to play with dolls a lot as children.  With the new trend in reborn dolls sweeping the nation, in young children, teens and adults, collecting them...my girls have started to collect life like dolls.  Many grown women have whole nurseries set up with clothing for them and take them out in public!  Anyways, to me, it is good role playing for my young ladies, to help them be  good moms someday and better people.   Elizabeth wanted a doll from Paradise Gallery for her birthday this year.  So we got her that and a Joovy car seat.  She was beyond happy.

She wanted a home made cheese cake from her Aunt for her cake!  YUM!  Thank you Aunt "S"!

 Happy Birthday Elizabeth!  I am so impressed with your determination lately and goals you have set.  I am so excited to see how God uses you for His glory!  May the Lord God in heaven keep you healthy and safe.  May He lead and guide you all the days of your life as you live and grow in Him!

For about 10 days in the year, my middles are all a year numerically apart.  This year it was Elizabeth 15 at her recent birthday, Zeke 16 and Carolyn 17 but...then my dear sweet daughter Carolyn has a birthday and this year she turned 18!!!  I know. I can't believe it either!  I remember the day she was placed in my arms for the first time.  I remember her adoption day.  Time has just flown by.

Carolyn has grown into a wonderful godly woman.  She works beside me all day long, learning life skills and helping me in all I do.  She is a tender loving soul.  Even though on paper she has graduated, she enjoys homeschooling and learning, so does independent work just because she wants to every evening, in her free time.  She got her own room recently and loves the quiet away from siblings.  She still takes ballet, is on point and rides her pony several times a month.

This is Carolyn with one of her very old dolls Daisy.

She wanted a Paradise Gallery doll like her sister as well.  So we ordered that for her. It will be coming very soon!

She asked her aunt to make her a chocolate cake with Joy on it, from one of the kids  movies she has seen.  She loved it!  Thank you again aunt "S" for blessing the children with your talent.     

Carolyn is such a blessing to our home and friend to me.  I love her dearly and don't know what I would do with out her.  Such a sweet and lovely soul.

May the Lord God above hold you in the palm of His mighty hand all the days of your life.  May He help you be all you can be as you live and grow in Him!!

Glory to God!  The miracles I have had the privilege to witness in my life, in these children, has been nothing short of amazing!


 
1 Chronicles 16:24 Tell of His glory among the nations, His wonderful deeds among all the peoples.

Love, Dad, mom, Stephen, Antonio, William, Zeke, Billy, Timothy, Kinsley and Anna-Kate!  

My Right Hand Girl!

This week I decided to do an update on my sweet, sweet, daughter, Carolyn.  I have no way to put into words how dear she is to my heart.  I could ask for no better daughter or friend. She is reliable in temperament and behavior, most of the time, so is a child I don't have to worry about misbehaving or causing trouble when out in public, or at home.  We work very well together and enjoy each others company all day long.

She is a huge help with the children and has a gift when working with them. She has compassion and a gentle, patient, nature with any person or creature.

Carolyn is doing very well and is at a time in life that she is on the cusp of being an adult.  She is 17 years old, soon to be 18 within a few months.  That in and of itself is just beyond grasping.  She came to us when she was just 10 weeks old.

She has FAS, so had many sensory, emotional, and learning disabilities. She cried a lot as an infant and was my only child I had to wear, to keep her from crying and being so anxious all of the time.  As long as she was held, or very close to someone, she was fine., put her down and she was terrified.  She was very tiny and grew slowly.  She was fun to dress cute and cuddle with.

Don't get me wrong...I enjoyed her immensely and was so grateful for her but her behavior could and did easily escalate and become over the top when she was little.  When she was about six/seven years old, all of that changed.  I seriously don't know if it was all of my prayers being answered, she truly understood the gospel and got saved or what... but a u-turn, life changing, occurrence happened in her life and heart and she stopped the tantruming, bad behavior and rebellion.  She became very compliant and I could see her try so hard to control herself in all areas.  At that point in time, we both started a wonderful relationship and bond, that I can not explain.  She tries so hard to please me, be helpful and learn skills that I do daily.  She is just a precious soul.  She still struggles with learning disabilities, her emotions, her nerves, and how to behave socially but knows she has these issues and what is expected behavior...she tries so hard to keep herself acting in a kind and exceptable manor.

Carolyn spends her days working on daily living skills, helping with the children, loving on her animals and dancing.  She has just started to understand math for the first time in her life.  She has never been able to grasp the concept at all.  She has started doing simple math books, for fun, in her free time.

She rides her pony (Millie) about once a week.  I will not let her go out and ride alone, so I pay William to go out and watch her ride.  He usually brings out a chair and good book to read, while out there.  She usually rides about an hour.

She also has a leopard geko,  a Guinea pig and two companion dogs.  She totally takes care of her own animals and her dogs are on her lap or by her side pretty much at all times.  The dogs really help with her anxiety.  She has had a companion/therapy dog since she was very young.  Her first dog passed away after eight years of service to her.  We had to go right out to get another for her as she did not do well without one.  She has had her new dog (Bella) for two years now. 

Recently, she was gifted a second dog!  I know...what was I thinking!   Our neighbor is a vet tech and had bottle fed a litter of puppies and begged us to take the last two she could not find homes for because they were so dear to her heart and wanted to know where they went.  One (the runt) had a cleft pallet and since Carolyn always spoils and takes such doting care of her dogs, I allowed Carolyn to have that one.  She has had the new one Sadie about seven months.

It is almost house broken.  I know Carolyn will most likely live with Tim and I most of her life so we allow her to have her "babies" to smother with attention.

Carolyn's dream since starting to dance as a little girl was to be on point.  Last year she was graduated to point.  She is so beautiful and graceful when she dances.  She practices almost daily and I know she looks so small but that compact little lady is all muscle!  This picture is from the girls most recent recital in January.

We don't wear make up but for the recital, they wear stage make up.  Boy, does it make her look much older!

Our plans for her future are a bit sketchy.  I would love for her to find some kind of employment at some point in her life but has to be supervised closely because if something out of the ordinary happens, she does not know how to reason to make a good decision every time.  Also, because of the FAS, people can manipulate her and talk her into and out of things easily.  She really tries to please people around her.  I would also love to see her have social outlets at some point as well.  Right now, she has dance and all the girls at the studio that she has known for years but at some point she may not be able to dance there because of her age.  So having a safe group to go out and do things with would be nice for her.

God is so good to us and we feel so blessed to be given Carolyn to be our daughter.  We all love her dearly and it blesses my heart to see her grow into such a lovely, godly young women.  We love you girl!

Isaiah 60:1-2  "Arise, shine; for your light has come, And the glory of the LORD has risen upon you.

Blessings,

susan         

By The Grace Of God

Many people look at our family and ask how we do it.  The absolute truth is we don't.  It is truly by the grace of God, that the children are cared for, all needs are met, all house hold duties get done and all barn chores accomplished.  Tim and I work very hard from before the sun rises, till way after it goes down,  just to meet the necessities.  We try to squeeze in fun times amongst busy daily life, home schooling and the many appointments we have. 

We in all aspects are a normal family, plus some. 

Some of the children relaxing and watching a cartoon. 

I try to keep things real here on the blog.  To let people know what it is like to have a large family, foster, adopt and care for children with specific special needs but truthfully, I could never squeeze it all in.

I could never portray us as always happy and never with out great struggles.  I could never portray my children as always happy, well behaved, easy going children, as that is just not reality. 

Our life is happy and blessed but at times very hard.  We live daily with more than the average amount of behavior issues, tantrums, Dr/therapy appointments, surgeries, hospital stays and childhood emergencies.

When I say it is by the grace of God that we make it thru every day, week and month, I mean it with my whole heart.  My husband and I rely on God daily for strength, energy, sleep, peace, joy and all that we need to get thru each day and God always provides just what we need.  When I say we are blessed abundantly, I feel it daily.  God is so good.  We are happy and content.  We just have to take certain parts of our life in stride and except it as part of who our children are and the seasons we are going through right now. 

This week started out with yet another unexpected emergency.  Carolyn has low muscle tone, from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.   She and the other children with low tone, in our home, trip and fall often.  On Monday morning, Carolyn was just walking across her room and tripped.  She hit her mouth on the corner of the blanket chest.  It bruised and scraped up her mouth, knocked out her front top tooth and hit the roof of her mouth hard.  I quickly called Tim so he could head home to watch the children, called the dentists office, to find out what to do and tended to her. 

I was amazed at how huge the root is in a front adult tooth.  She was in so much pain.  I put the tooth in milk and took her to the dentist.  They were able to re-implant the tooth but don't know if her body will reattach to it or not.  Only time will tell.  Because it was an emergency situation, the dentist just glued her tooth to the teeth on each side of it to stabilize it.  We  made an appointment for three days later, to let some of the trauma heal and then they were going to do a more permanent and aesthetically pleasing job. 

She was in so much pain that she started vomiting and could not stop.  She shook constantly and I could not manage her pain, so I had to take her in to the ER.  We were there till almost midnight before everything was under control and we had a way to manage it all at home.  She was also very dehydrated so they did IV's.  This all  happened on the day she was supposed to start back to ballet, so she was very upset and miserable. 

The next day I was very busy caring for the whole family and trying to keep her fed, hydrated and comfortable.  She does a lot around here and we have all had to chip in to pick up the slack and give her a chance to rest and heal.  She can not chew, bite down or use a straw for six weeks!  Any of those things can put pressure on and move her tooth and prevent it from reattaching.  So I am pureeing soups for her to trickle in thru the side of her mouth.  My sister bought her a huge box of puddings, yogurts and soups.  Thank you Aunt "S" and uncle "B", that gesture blessed her heart. 

Tuesday evening, just before bed time, she came into my room and said she thought one of the glues had popped off.  I looked and it had.  There was now only one glue holding her tooth in.  It was now much more painful as it was not as stable and moving some.  The dentist office was closed that could fix this.  I told her to be as still and careful as possible and I would get her into the dentist as soon as they opened.  I did not know how on earth I was going to manage, as all of the other children had to be at therapy by 8:00 a.m. the next morning.  Tim could not help me, as at work, he had a huge order that had to be filled.  Glory to God, William was able to help me out and did not have to go to his GED program.  He watched the children at therapy, while I took Carolyn in to the dentist.  The other glue fell off in the dentist hand while we were there.  Thank you God for keeping that tooth in thru the night. 

They put a metal wire behind all her upper teeth and glued it down well.  From the front, her teeth look as it did before the accident.  We pray her tooth will reattach and be fine.  If not they will have to do an implant.  Her mouth and face is very swollen but it is going down every day.  The pain is manageable with regular Tylenol now.  Praise God.  She is eating and drinking a bit more at a time but lost four pounds since Monday.  She is sleeping in the recliner, as she says if she lays down flat, her mouth throbs.  Bless her heart. 

I am way behind on blog posts and have a lot more to share...all in good time.  :)

May the One True and Only God, Maker of heaven and earth and all that is there in, be with you this fall and guide you in all you do. 

Isaiah 26:3  Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

Blessings,

susan

Antonio Is 20!!!

I was reeling from the death of our daughter, Faith Anne, when I saw Antonio's picture on My Turn Now.  He is the only one of our adopted children that I felt instantly drawn to the moment I saw his picture.  I don't know what it was about him.  In the picture he was not smiling, nor did he look like he could respond to his environment but at that moment I didn't care. 

I just wanted more information about him.  I wanted to meet him and scoop him up in my arms and love on him.

When we got his packet, we learned so much.  He had been in care since the day he was born.  He was born a 23 week preemie, to a young addict, who surrendered her rights right away.  She did not know who the father was.  A case worker snapped a Polaroid of his mom while she was in the office signing papers.  I am grateful we have a picture of his biological mom for him.  I am grateful to her that she carried our son and gave him life.  She never would know what a treasure he is and how loved he is by us all.

He was born so early that he spent his first  year in the hospital.  He had many surgeries and troubles to overcome in order to live.  He had several brain bleeds resulting in him needing a shunt from hydrocephalus.  He blew a bowl and needed to have a colostomy bag for a while.  He had preemie lungs and needed a lot of support.  When he was finally stable enough to be released from the hospital, his first foster home could not handle his care and asked he be moved.  He then was taken in by a very nice elderly, single, foster mom.  She loved Antonio so much.  Sadly, there were no pictures taken of him in the first five years of his life.  The earliest picture I have of him is a school picture that they had sent home to his foster mom and she gave us of when he was five years old.
 
When we were cleared to go and visit him, he was five years old and his foster mom was 70.  She cried when we met him and told us no one had ever tried all these years to adopt him.  That she had been praying fervently for a family for him because the only reason why she was still fostering, was for him and she knew she could not lift and care for him much longer.  Oh how she loved that boy...so much, that she never made him wear any of his leg braces or glasses.  She would make the therapist leave her home if they made him cry.  When we would go for a visit, he ruled their house and would be on the couch all propped up, with pillows all around him, on her couch watching TV.  She didn't make him do anything he didn't want to do, including eat.  When he moved in with us, he had just turned 6 and weighted 24 pounds.  The first thing we did was had him evaluated for a G-tube.

We had the surgery done and they also did a flundo so he could not vomit.  So he kept his food down better.  He began to grow and put on weight right away.  We also made him wear his glasses.  His eyes were very crossed and he would take his finger and hook it around the bow and give them a yank and toss them across the room.  He broke several pair before he learned I was going to just keep putting them back on every time.  After wearing his glasses for a few years, his eyes are fine and he needs no glasses at all anymore! We made him stand in his stander and wear his leg braces.  He quickly learned to love therapy and enjoy the long process of getting him ready every day. 

Believe it or not, we were also told that he swore like a sailor and spent most of his time at preschool in time out.  We have never heard him say one bad word in his whole life with us all these years.  He has been nothing but sweet and joyful almost every day.

We had a very ruff start with him medically.  As he had 15 shunt failures back to back when he came.  It was exhausting.  The long hospital stays and we had many children back then as well. Twice he got brain fluid infections from the surgery and we had to spend months at the hospital treating with antibiotics till all the infection cleared and he could have a shunt put back in. 

He has had to have a hip reconstructed,

his back rodded

and many other surgery and hospital stays over the years, for everything from pneumonia to flu.  Even though he has went thru so much, he has always stayed happy and upbeat.  He gives out complements to all he meets and has prayed, out loud, off and on, day and night since he was a little boy, for prayer needs he knows of.  He has almost always been a well behaved, grateful and happy guy.  He has grown into a strapping, very muscular, young man.

I have to admit, when we adopted Antonio I did not think this far into the future.  I mean Tim and I prayed about adopting him.  We talked about how we would care for him as he grew but we had no idea the amount of care and work it would be to care for him as an adult.  He is huge.  He is heavy.  His body is very stiff and like moving a large odd shaped jack.  We have to be very careful.  His medications and breathing treatments HAVE to be given every day at the correct time or he gets very sick quickly.  His lungs fill with fluid.  Also, there are many meds for  his digestive system or it ceases to function properly.  It is all a very delicate balance.  All I can say now that Antonio has turned 20 is that it was all worth it.  He is so worth every moment of time, every pulled muscle, every dime spent, every prayer prayed.  He is the most wonderful son and such a joy to have as part of our family every day.  God bless him for all the happiness he has brought into our lives.

Of course Aunt "S" made Antonio his cake.  He wanted Bob and Larry!  Thank you Aunt "S" and Uncle "B" for all you do for the children to make their lives special.

Happy birthday my sweet, happy, grown man!   We love you more than you'll ever know!  May God give you healing and happiness all the days of your life!

Numbers 6:24-26  The Lord bless thee, and keep thee:  The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:  The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

WE love you so much!  Dad, mom, Stephen, William, Carolyn, Zeke, Elizabeth, "T", "B" and baby "K"!

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

Over at No Greater Joy Mom, Adeye is continuing her series on adopting children with special needs.  She tries to highlight a different disability every time, so people can link their blogs to hers as a resource for those thinking of adopting a child with that disability.  Also so we can connect with other families for support and ideas.  Since it is National Adoption Awareness Month the timing for this is great.  The highlight for this Blog Connect is Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Autism and RAD.  I will try to do these in a three part series, to give the best focus of “our” experience with each topic.

The first time Tim and I had ever heard of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome was during a several hour long foster care training we had went to on the topic.  When you go thru foster care classes they just briefly brush over a few things like, what it might be like to foster a child that was drug exposed.    This seminar we went to was in depth and very scary.  The presenter was a parent of a child with FAS and she had slide after slide of statistics, pictures, and scary stories from families raising children with FAS.  If you wish, you can read just a brief description and see a picture here.  I must say it left us never wanting to parent a child with FAS.

But… one day the phone rang, it was DFCS and it was for a placement of a 10 week old baby girl.  She was diagnosed at birth with FAS.  Upon questioning by the doctors, her biological mom freely admitted she drank heavily every day of her pregnancy.    I called Tim and we were actually very excited and took the foster placement.   We didn’t know at the time, that this child would one day be adopted by us as our daughter, Carolyn.

I think the biggest thing we need to keep in mind, when considering adopting a child with a special need, is children are children are children…They all need their needs met.  They all need the love of a family and I have learned to never say never to God because He will show you what you can do, with Him working thru you.  As soon as I took Carolyn into my arms for the first time…she was a baby that needed us to love, care for her and meet her needs, like all children need.  She was Carolyn.  FAS didn’t even come into it all.  We just met her needs and prayed really hard for Gods wisdom.

I know that there is a huge range of damage that can be done by drinking when pregnant.  I have seen and read about children that are quite affected and some not as much.  Carolyn was very easily diagnosed at birth because she bore every birth characteristic there was…from rocker bottom feet to microcephaly.   Our son, Antonio, his mother also admitted to drinking and doing drugs while pregnant.  Antonio has been diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Effects.  As he didn’t have all the physical markers just some but has many of the behaviors.

These are the things “we” have experienced in raising Carolyn.  Physically, she has always been extremely small compared to her peers.  Now, I actually enjoyed that part of it.  I was able to cuddle her and baby her way longer than most young children.  She fit into baby clothes for a long time.  Of my three littles (Elizabeth 10 years, Zeke 11 years and Carolyn 13 years)  Carolyn is the oldest and the smallest/shortest by many inches.   

She was a very content baby as long as she was held.   She actually needed to be held almost every moment.  She was the only child we ever wore in a baby carrier most of the time. 

She was developmentally delayed physically, emotionally and mentally.  She met all her mile stones late and in her own special way.  Like she never crawled on her knees.  She crawled like Mowgli in the Jungle Book.  On her hands and feet.   

She was overly bonded to Tim and myself.  DFCS wanted her to participate in pre-k.  She screamed the whole day every day.  They kept saying to give her another week but after not settling into the routine of it after about four weeks…it was so unhealthy for her, we received permission to pull her out.

Home schooling her has been a huge challenge.  We go very slow and with a whole lot of repetition.

On a very positive side, she is one of my children that once she learns something, she has it.  So praise God, no regression with her.  She is very good at remembering certain things, like peoples names.   She is also very observant.  She will notice if someone got new glasses or a hair cut or a new jacket.  She could easily navigate our town, if she had to because she takes in everything and pays attention so well.

She has had, in the past, huge issues controlling her emotions.  She had lots of tantrums growing up, when young.   Most of the time they happened when being scolded for something.  Often when she is very happy she cries uncontrollably.  Or when in trouble, laughs hysterically in my face. (not easy to deal with at times :)   She has come soooo far in this area and is maturing into a wonderful young lady.  I see her thinking and knowing how she is supposed to respond to a situation and try so hard to act appropriately.  Bless her heart. 

She is terrified of new experiences but tries new things anyways, shaking like a leaf the whole time.  We keep things very regimented for her and she does best this way.

Since she was a baby she has had a deep seated fear of clowns, anything in a costume, mannequins and some statues.  She will literally climb up me to get into my arms, tears flowing down her face and shaking… if a clown or Chick-Fil-A cow is coming our way, when we are out and about.

I can not imagine having to deal with the extreme impulses of emotion and nervousness my daughter has had to learn to deal with.

  
I can not imagine having such a hard time concentrating and learning even simple math or money.    That simple concepts are just so hard to understand for her.  She has had to go thru these things thru no fault of her own.  We talk openly about adoption and her life’s story.  We always have.  She understands.

I know some of this sounds like a lot to manage when raising a child.  I will not lie, it was very hard at times.  But all I can say it was so worth it.  She was a beautiful, precious baby that I enjoyed every moment of holding, cuddling and raising.   She was a tiny fun toddler who loved being read to, pushed in a swing and tucked into bed at night.  She was a wonderful child as she grew and matured.  Following me around the house and farm and learning all I would teach her.  She can do so many things.  

In my husbands and my eyes…she was and is just Carolyn, our treasured daughter that we love fiercely.  

Obediant and hard working.

Such a sweet soul.  

She has grown into my cherished friend. 

We spend a lot of time together.    

I would not want to imagine life without her.  

She is such a blessing.  If I had to list everything that there is about Carolyn... FAS would be at the bottom of the list!  

We are forever grateful that God allowed us the privileged of raising her as our daughter.  Carolyn was and is a blessing.  She has grown into such a beautiful, kind, helpful, God loving young woman.

Proverbs 31:29-30  Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.  Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.