Our Youngest Turns Three!

The last but not least, in our girls "four birthdays in three weeks" run, is Anna-Kates!

I have rarely done a post on her before.  She just turned three!!!  She is our youngest and...I always try to cherish each day with our youngest because I wonder if they will be the last child God adds to our home.  So each birthday Anna-Kate has, I feel that little tinge in my heart, that I am loosing the feeling of ever having a baby in our home again.  Don't get me wrong...I love every stage our children go through as they grow and it is always a miracle before our eyes, to see God move mountains in behaviors and health.  I love seeing each child bloom into the person He wants them to be...but I do love babies and all that entails.  So as my dearest baby Anna-Kate is growing,  I feel I might be saying goodbye to having babies around me anymore.

We got a call from DFCS over three years ago, telling us that Billy and Timmy's biological mom was pregnant again and still unstable and heavily doing drugs.  They wanted to know if we wanted the baby when it was born, to try to keep the siblings together.  That, the new baby, like the boys, had been exposed from conception to heavy drug use.  The boys have a lot of issues from this and the neglect and abuse they suffered before coming here.  Tim and I prayed about it.  Our lives were so very busy.  Every day was so hard.  From my older special needs children to Antonio's constant and physically demanding care, to several of our children's very hard daily behavior issues.  I mean, I had a 1,2 and 3 year old at the time!  So we prayed and told DFCS, that when the baby was born, we would take her on trial for 2 weeks and see if she fit into our home well.  That day a friend sent me a link, on my computer, to watch the trailer for the movie "The Drop Box".  I watched it and felt I had to watch the whole movie immediately.  Tim and I watched it that weekend.  I cried off and on through the whole movie.  I was convicted to the core.  It is a real life story, of a man and his wife, that put a drop box in their' home in South Korea.  He is a pastor and so many people left babies on his door step, that often he would not find them until they had died the next morning.  He put the box in his home, so he could get to them immediately and take them in and care for them.  He and his wife care tirelessly for their own special needs son and these special needs children, finding them placement and keeping many of the hardest to place children and raising them.  I cried and cried... how on earth could Tim and I tell DFCS we would try a child for two weeks to see if they fit in our home?  That we might say no after two weeks because it made our lives harder?  How selfish of us.  God does not receive us into the Kingdom of God and boot us out after two weeks, if we have challenges or don't get everything perfectly right from the start.  I told Tim we needed to make a commitment to this baby no matter what the drugs did to her.  No matter what!  He agreed, she was our daughter and we would love her and take her, no matter what.  So that is just what we did. 

We got the call to come and pick her up at the hospital when she was less than 48 hours old.   She was such a beautiful little thing.

I am so grateful that God had so thourally and heavily convicted my heart to embrace her, as life did get very hard.  It was not her fault at all, as her mom had used a cocktail of drugs so heavily that she just had so many major issues, bless her little heart. 

She cried a lot for hours on end with anxiety and nerves. This lasted about the first two years slowly becoming less and less.  She cried inconsolably, more than any child we had ever had.  She was born with a head full of hair but pulled her hair out and rocked her body back and forth, from the time she was born.  She only had hair on the top of her head till she was almost two, as she could not reach there.  She does not rock or pull hair anymore... just has nervousness and tantrums.  She only let me, hold her and feed her for months on end.  She was and still is, very developmentally behind in all areas.  She forgot how to latch onto her bottle in between every single feed for eight straight months!  Every feed took a very long time, as she was hungry but could not remember how to nurse/latch and we would have to work at it untill she finally latched and ate.  No one was allowed to come near me when I was feeding her because if she lost her latch it was a mess all over again or she would give up and not eat.  (Try that with a house full of kids!)  Don't get me wrong, we had moments throughout the day of sweetness and naps, when she was calm but she would blow at anytime and had no self calming skills to bring her back to quiet and happy.  I held her a lot.  She was and is a complicated little love.

As she grew she needed PT, OT and feeding therapy.  

With all of her neediness and crying, plus, all the other children's care and struggles in our home, I did not garden for two years.  I could only do the basics and necessities of keeping up our home and farm.  A whole nights sleep was a rarity and life was blessed but hard.

It was good, I was content and happy but we lived for a good three year season of our lives from the time Billy and Timmy came, till sometime this past year, in a very hard season in our lives.  A worth wile season but a season of great personal sacrifice from us all.

I was spread thin but God held me up and things got done.  I am just feeling now, over the last year, that things have hit a slow and more peaceful season in our lives now...as Anna-Kate has turned a corner in some of her issues and Timmy and Elizabeth as well in some of their behaviors.

Our days are still hard but not as full in many ways.  I am gardening again and cooking different  more creative meals...not our survival casseroles and easy throw together type meals.  Tim and I are trying to reconnect and I am finally getting good sleep and that makes such a difference in all of our lives.

She is so beautiful and looks like a little angel at times but...

unfortunately, about 70 percent of the time, she is like this.  We lovingly call her crabby but cute.  :)

She is way behind her peers but we just pray, love on her and encourage her and let her grow and such at her own pace.  We don't push her as it makes her anxious.

  She does not have the malicious type anger and meaness in her from neglect or abuse that the boys have issues with as we got her from birth.  She is very bonded to Tim and myself but still is not overly loving with anyone else in the home.  William is still working very hard to make a bond with her.  She loves him if he is eating something she likes but usually won't bother with him otherwise.

She tries hard to be good and please us but she is stuck in toddler mode and wants what she wants, when she wants it and tantrums if the smallest thing does not please her.  She is also very behind in her ability to communicate so that complicates things as well. 

Throwing a nice tantrum on the beach last summer while on vacation.  :)

So pleased with her turkey on her dress for Thanksgiving.

She has always been a very light sleeper and cries easily.  We try not to let her fall asleep during the day so she will sleep better at night.   Her behavior is much worse if her sleep is disturbed, she will be a crab the rest of the day, so when she falls asleep, we leave her totally alone till she wakes up.

She is very bonded to me but is a daddies girl through and through.  She prefers him unless tired, hungry or hurting.

Our precious girl loves dolls and pretend.  Cooking with fake food and having tea parties with all her dolls and stufties.  She loves her family and feels safe with us and loved.  Those eyes and curls....how can anyone say no to that face...Daddy has trouble there sometimes.  :)  Can you guess who she is into?  My dad put the ears in her birthday bag with a little stuff Minnie.  She loved it!  It is also what she wanted on her cake so Aunt "S" made one little girls dream cake. 

It made her day!  Even though she did not understand it was her birthday or how old she was turning she did understand she was going to have her Minnie cake and it made her day!  Thank you sister!

My littlest Princess is a blessing to our home.  I can not imagine our home or life with out her here with us.  She is worth the work, effort like any child God blesses anyone with and she is our daughter through and through.

May the Lord God in Heaven have His hand on your always.  Healing, leading and guiding you my sweet girl...as you live and grow in Him.

Isaiah 60: 1-2  "Arise, shine; for your light has come, And the glory of the LORD has risen upon you. "For behold, darkness will cover the earth And deep darkness the peoples; But the LORD will rise upon you And His glory will appear upon you.

Love, Daddy, mommy, Stephen, Antonio, William, Carolyn, Zeke, Elizabeth, Billy, Timmy and Kinsley