Our life is a mix of sorts. I think if you ask any family, that has a special needs child or is doing foster care, they will tell you that there are good days and harder days. Days of struggling and days that are easier. Days of sadness and days of joy. Days of wondering what in the world was I thinking, of doubting.... and days that you are so over come with joy, that you are bursting at the seams and could not imagine life without these children in it.
We not only have many special needs children but are doing foster care again as well. On days when I am feeling physically well, we stay in our routine and all the children are being what is normal for them, I feel very content and happy. Praise the Lord that is a better portion of our days. But there are days, weeks even, when I am not feeling my best, a child or several children are acting badly, or I am dealing with the other hard things that come along in life...and I feel very defeated and exhausted.
I am not going to lie. I have had a hard past few weeks. The doctors are having troubles balancing my thyroid. Several of the children are acting up. My uncle passed away and I was processing a lot from that and this is the day my daughter passed away on many years ago. Sometimes the days coming up to this day are very hard but the day is always hard. Everyone is celebrating a day of love and lovers and me thinking on one of the worst days in my entire life. Very few people, that knew us back then, acknowledge or remember what happened on this day for us and that is ok...
Needless to say, I am sad today and down. So I am staying close to God and His Word. I am praying a lot and I am taking extra good care to eat right, rest more, spend close time with Tim and do special fun things with the children. I know from the past, tomorrow I will feel much better. So, because I really have no words to say and am not feeling my best...I will leave you with a poem (a song really) that I wrote on a day when I was feeling particularly down and needed to put my feeling down and get them out in a constructive way. I have never shared it with anyone in all these years but I hope it blesses someone.
No more tears to Cry
I have no more tears to cry, no more tears to cry
We were never made to feel such hurt, with pain we can’t describe
When I’m numb inside my heart and mind, a desert deep inside
I just reach toward heaven crying out, There’s just no more tears to
cry
I have no
more tears to cry, no more tears to cry
When I reach
deep down inside myself, asking why oh why?
When we run
and search our whole life thru, asking where does peace reside
I just reach
toward heaven crying out, there’s just no more tears to cry
I have no
more tears to cry, no more tears to cry
I’ve been crushed by life and those I
love, Only God is by my side
He just
reaches down and lifts me up, in His peace I abide
I just reach
toward heaven crying out, There’s just no more tears to cry
Life just strolls along, peace seems always
there
Out of nowhere life comes crashing down,
full of deep despair
Reading through Gods Word, His promise to
never leave
I start to take some
tiny steps and finally start to breathe
His hand is always true, my life He does
renew
I’ve grown closer to my God and King, with
all I have been thru
I have no more tears to cry, no more tears to
cry
Walking
daily with my Lord and King, I know I’ll
always be fine
I have
learned this world is not my home, To
heaven I will strive
I just reach
toward heaven crying out with no more tears to cry.
There be no
more tears to cry, No more tears to cry
When in
heaven up with God above, there’ll be joy we can’t describe!
With the
saints of old, on streets of gold, in a mansions we’ll reside!
I’ll just
reach toward Jesus, hold His hand, with no more tears to cry
With loved ones by our side, with Jesus we’ll abide! No more
tears to cry!
I pray if anyone out there is going thru a hard time in their life, a season of pain, hurt or sorrow, that you know God loves you and is there. It is so much easier to go thru things with Him carrying you. Joy does come in the morning. With God in our life, life is good.
May the Lord God in heaven heal the hurts in your life. May He be your high tower and rock that never will be moved.
Revelation 21:4 And
God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no
more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more
pain: for the former things are passed away.
Blessings,
susan