Its Not Always Easy

Our life is a mix of sorts.  I think if you ask any family, that has a special needs child or is doing foster care,  they will tell you that there are good days and harder days.  Days of struggling and days that are easier.  Days of sadness and days of joy.  Days of wondering what in the world was I thinking, of doubting.... and days that you are so over come with joy, that you are bursting at the seams and could not imagine life without these children in it. 

We not only have many special needs children but are doing foster care again as well.  On days when I am feeling physically well, we stay in our routine and all the children are being what is normal for them, I feel very content and happy.  Praise the Lord that is a better portion of our days.  But there are days, weeks even, when I am not feeling my best, a child or several children are acting badly, or I am dealing with the other hard things that come along in life...and I feel very defeated and exhausted.

I am not going to lie.  I have had a hard past few weeks.  The doctors are having troubles balancing my thyroid.    Several of the children are acting up.  My uncle passed away and I was processing a lot from that and this is the day my daughter passed away on many years ago.  Sometimes the days coming up to this day are very hard but the day is always hard.  Everyone is celebrating a day of love and lovers and me thinking on one of the worst days in my entire life.  Very few people, that knew us back then, acknowledge or remember what happened on this day for us and that is ok...

Needless to say, I am sad today and down.  So I am staying close to God and His Word.  I am praying a lot and I am taking extra good care to eat right, rest more, spend close time with Tim and do special fun things with the children.  I know from the past, tomorrow I will feel much better.  So, because I really have no words to say and am not feeling my best...I will leave you with a poem (a song really) that I wrote on a day when I was feeling particularly down and needed to put my feeling down and get them out in a constructive way.  I have never shared it with anyone in all these years but I hope it blesses someone.

No more tears to Cry

I have no more tears to cry, no more tears to cry

We were never made to feel such hurt,  with pain we can’t describe

When I’m numb inside my heart and mind, a desert deep inside

I just reach toward heaven crying out, There’s just no more tears to cry

I have no more tears to cry, no more tears to cry

When I reach deep down inside myself, asking why oh why?

When we run and search our whole life thru, asking where does peace reside

I just reach toward heaven crying out, there’s just no more tears to cry

I have no more tears to cry, no more tears to cry

 I’ve been crushed by life and those I love,  Only God is by my side

He just reaches down and lifts me up, in His peace I abide

I just reach toward heaven crying out, There’s just no more tears to cry

Life just strolls along, peace seems always there

Out of nowhere life comes crashing down, full of deep despair

Reading through Gods Word, His promise to never leave

I start to take some tiny steps and finally start to breathe

His hand is always true, my life He does renew

I’ve grown closer to my God and King, with all I have been thru

 I have no more tears to cry, no more tears to cry

Walking daily with my Lord and King,  I know I’ll always be fine

I have learned this world is not my home,  To heaven I will strive

I just reach toward heaven crying out with no more tears to cry.

There be no more tears to cry, No more tears to cry

When in heaven up with God above, there’ll be joy we can’t describe!

With the saints of old, on streets of gold, in a mansions we’ll reside!

I’ll just reach toward Jesus, hold His hand, with no more tears to cry

With loved ones by our side, with Jesus we’ll abide! No more tears to cry!

 


I pray if anyone out there is going thru a hard time in their life, a season of pain, hurt or sorrow, that you know God loves you and is there.  It is so much easier to go thru things with Him carrying you.  Joy does come in the  morning.  With God in our life, life is good.

May the Lord God in heaven heal the hurts in your life.  May He be your high tower and rock that never will be moved.

Revelation 21:4  And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

Blessings,
susan