Saturday, February 14, 2015

Its Not Always Easy

Our life is a mix of sorts.  I think if you ask any family, that has a special needs child or is doing foster care,  they will tell you that there are good days and harder days.  Days of struggling and days that are easier.  Days of sadness and days of joy.  Days of wondering what in the world was I thinking, of doubting.... and days that you are so over come with joy, that you are bursting at the seams and could not imagine life without these children in it. 

We not only have many special needs children but are doing foster care again as well.  On days when I am feeling physically well, we stay in our routine and all the children are being what is normal for them, I feel very content and happy.  Praise the Lord that is a better portion of our days.  But there are days, weeks even, when I am not feeling my best, a child or several children are acting badly, or I am dealing with the other hard things that come along in life...and I feel very defeated and exhausted.

I am not going to lie.  I have had a hard past few weeks.  The doctors are having troubles balancing my thyroid.    Several of the children are acting up.  My uncle passed away and I was processing a lot from that and this is the day my daughter passed away on many years ago.  Sometimes the days coming up to this day are very hard but the day is always hard.  Everyone is celebrating a day of love and lovers and me thinking on one of the worst days in my entire life.  Very few people, that knew us back then, acknowledge or remember what happened on this day for us and that is ok...

Needless to say, I am sad today and down.  So I am staying close to God and His Word.  I am praying a lot and I am taking extra good care to eat right, rest more, spend close time with Tim and do special fun things with the children.  I know from the past, tomorrow I will feel much better.  So, because I really have no words to say and am not feeling my best...I will leave you with a poem (a song really) that I wrote on a day when I was feeling particularly down and needed to put my feeling down and get them out in a constructive way.  I have never shared it with anyone in all these years but I hope it blesses someone.

No more tears to Cry

I have no more tears to cry, no more tears to cry
We were never made to feel such hurt,  with pain we can’t describe
When I’m numb inside my heart and mind, a desert deep inside
I just reach toward heaven crying out, There’s just no more tears to cry

I have no more tears to cry, no more tears to cry
When I reach deep down inside myself, asking why oh why?
When we run and search our whole life thru, asking where does peace reside
I just reach toward heaven crying out, there’s just no more tears to cry

I have no more tears to cry, no more tears to cry
 I’ve been crushed by life and those I love,  Only God is by my side
He just reaches down and lifts me up, in His peace I abide
I just reach toward heaven crying out, There’s just no more tears to cry

Life just strolls along, peace seems always there
Out of nowhere life comes crashing down, full of deep despair

Reading through Gods Word, His promise to never leave
I start to take some tiny steps and finally start to breathe

His hand is always true, my life He does renew
I’ve grown closer to my God and King, with all I have been thru

 I have no more tears to cry, no more tears to cry
Walking daily with my Lord and King,  I know I’ll always be fine
I have learned this world is not my home,  To heaven I will strive
I just reach toward heaven crying out with no more tears to cry.

There be no more tears to cry, No more tears to cry
When in heaven up with God above, there’ll be joy we can’t describe!
With the saints of old, on streets of gold, in a mansions we’ll reside!
I’ll just reach toward Jesus, hold His hand, with no more tears to cry

With loved ones by our side, with Jesus we’ll abide! No more tears to cry!

I pray if anyone out there is going thru a hard time in their life, a season of pain, hurt or sorrow, that you know God loves you and is there.  It is so much easier to go thru things with Him carrying you.  Joy does come in the  morning.  With God in our life, life is good.

May the Lord God in heaven heal the hurts in your life.  May He be your high tower and rock that never will be moved.

Revelation 21:4  And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.



  1. I'm sorry you are having such a hard day today... I thought you would though. Here you leave a poem to try to bless or help someone else who is hurting. What a kind heart you have! We love you and care about you Susan. Take care...

    1. Thank you so much. I appreciate the prayers so much always. God is so good to us every day. I am grateful for Him, my family, my friends and every day I am alive to serve Him. All the glory to Him always.

  2. (((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))) My first baby daughter to go home with Jesus left on Feb 23,1989. Then my Grandfather I took care of during end of life died Feb 10th 1990. So Feb since then has ben a hard and rather "long" month for me.
    Just Thursday Mercy had a huge 20 minute tantrum screaming, boogies, biting. After she calmed down she fell asleep in my arms. And then today when I lifted her onto my lap she threw herself off forcefully to get away from me. And she's not a "little" girl physically. Emotionally these things take their toll on us don't they. I just recovered from my jaw abscess. So I too "feel" limited. We care so much, we LOVE so hard and yet others can either criticize without understanding or worse yet not even care about what we do. Because they wouldn't do it. :o(
    And yet what a blessing we receive by knowing what we do helps a child.
    I'm rambling :o)
    Just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers on this beautiful blessed Sunday- day of Worship!
    You are never far from my thoughts as I remember often how much we have in common with our kiddos!
    Thank You for sharing your precious thoughts! :o)

    1. Thank you Elizabeth and a huge hug to you from me here in Georgia. You were not rambling. When others share the harder things they are going thru, It reminds me I am not alone in the calling we have and that others understand. I KNOW you get it. You get it all. As you have experienced much of what we have as well. I pray for you all very often as God brings you to mind. All we do is in Gods strength. So we need the support and prayers of others. Know we love you all as well and you are on our hearts and minds always. Love and blessings. Give all the children a warm hug from me.