Friday, April 12, 2013

And so I Wait and Pray....

I know I don’t write much about Tim and I.  We are happy.  We are content.  We are deeply in love.  We also have a very busy, hard life at times.  Harder than many have.   We have chosen to give our life to the Lord and the Lord chose to use our life, by having us parent some children with very tough health issues.  We are happy and grateful.  Honored, that God has called us to this purpose in life. 

When God calls you to do something He usually chooses something you have a talent for or didn’t realize you had the skill to do or capacity to learn.  I look at my husband and totally see why God called him to this.  He has the patience of Job.  He is smart, organized in running our finances,  gentle, kind compassionate and so very equipped for not only handling his feisty wife but to make the best decisions for his family and parent each of our children.  He is a softy and the kids know it and love him for it.  I do too.  :)

Me, ?? I don’t see as clearly why God choose me for this but sure am overly content and happy He did.  I wouldn’t have wanted my life to be any other way.   I usually can’t sit still for very long.  I am an organizer and researcher.  Give me a diagnosis and I am going to find everything out there that has worked for people naturally and figure out how to implement it.   I try to put things into order and fix things.  I love to nurture children, people, animals and plants in my garden.  I have projects and goals.  I admit I have had to loosen up a good bit over the years with so many children and issues and have learned to chill about stuff.  But it is still deep down inside, I have to remind myself all the time to just relax about things and let God lead.
God took these two imperfect people and knew what we had in us.  Even though we didn't.  He knew what we were made of and put us on a path in life neither one of us probably would have choosen on our own.  But God knew we would love it and do it for Him.  And we have…..But over the last many years we have slowed down a good bit.  We have had to for many reasons we could not help.  We retired from foster care because our plate was so full we needed every moment to care for and meet the needs of the children we had adopted and committed to care for their whole life if needs be. 

Tim has Addison’s disease.  He NEEDS to make sure he eats right and gets enough sleep or he has a hard time functioning.  And for the last 6 years I myself have been battling an auto-immune disease that makes me incapacitated if I don’t watch my stress levels, get enough rest and eat exactly right.  I literally have about 20 foods I can eat and they have to be totally pure of contaminants.  Any one of those things gets out of balance and I cannot even function to care for myself let alone my children.  I have trouble walking, making my limbs work, have balance issues and exhaustion I cannot even explain.  Tim and I have for the first time in years and years HAD to take care of each other and ourselves. 
But life over the last year has really slowed down for us.  Well, I guess  more for me.  My children are all growing up so much.  They can do so much now without me.  They do a lot around the house as chores to train them for being an adult some day.  Several like to cook so I cook less.  So many do their own laundry and like doing it.  I mean I am busy but……I am leaving the baby years, the toddler years, kicking and screaming, I don’t feel done yet.  I still long for more children.  My husband knows.  He always knows.  He has seen me pouring over special needs adoption websites looking at children’s pictures and praying over them, for someone to adopt them.   It is what I spend extra time doing.  I try to advocate for special needs adoption everywhere I can.  The need is so huge.  I have prayed the same prayer daily for years.  Lord, are Tim and I done yet?  Is there any other child you want us to adopt?  That would fit into our family well?  Are we to old?  Will you provide the strength to parent another?  And I wait on an answer.  I wait because I don’t want to proceed forward with anything without God.  I have learned my lesson and HAVE tried to push for another child and it did not go well.  If the Lord builds a house it will stand.  I will wait on the Lord to build our house for sure.
I so badly want to see the big picture on this one.  I so badly want an answer from God.  I have been waiting patiently for years.  The poodle Tim got me, though I enjoy her, does not fill the feeling I have to raise another child. :)  The few people we have shared this prayer with, this desire with, usually give advice looking thru natural eyes, with worries about our health and our age at the forefront and as I said, that has crossed our mind a lot too.  But I know my God and if he gave us another child, no matter what, He would give us what we needed to care for it, from energy to finances to strength.  He never calls us to something that He does not equip us to handle and do.

Some have told us, you have done enough.  You have taken in so many, just enjoy what you have and we do totally enjoy the children we have.  But is there a retiring from what God has called one to do?  Is there a retiring from serving the Lord?   If my life is truly not my own, it is not me who should decide when to move from one phase to another phase of work for God.  So I wait, and pray, and be patient, and listen.

He gave His life for me that I might give mine back to Him.  Jesus didn’t come to earth to amass wealth, build a home, enjoy finding a wife and having a family.  That isn’t what life is all about.  It is part of life but life lived for the Lord is not always easy and cushy.  Working for the Lord is work and looks like something.  Jesus acted out love in all he did.  He reached out to touch and heal so many, to encourage and speak to the down trodden and lonely.  To bring hope, healing and most of all Salvation!  To set the captives free!

These are the things he plainly speaks out and tells ALL Christians to do: 

Mark 16:15 And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.

James 1:27 Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.

Matthew 25:34-46 Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?  When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?  Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?  And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.  Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels:  For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink:  I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not.  Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee?  Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.  And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.

 Matthew 18:5  And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.

And so I wait, and pray.

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